What’s Holding You Back?
The first
thing to do when trying to change the way you’re approaching your love life, is
to look at what is holding you back.
For many
people, it’s actually a lack of trying. Either they’ve been hurt before,
they’ve lost confidence, or they just don’t realize they have to. But at the
end of the day, if you’re tired of being single, then you need to work at this
just as you would anything else. That might mean trying online dating, it might
mean going to bars more, or it might mean just asking people out in the street.
While
some people aren’t trying at all though, many other people are simply trying
the wrong strategy or focussing on the wrong thing. These are the people who
know they don’t want to be single any more but who aren’t quite sure how to
change that.
For
example, if you want to have a more active sex life then you shouldn’t be
dating your friends as that is more likely to lead to a long-term relationship.
If you want a long-term relationship, then looking at bars or on Tinder is
likewise misguided.
Actually,
pining after friends is generally a bad idea and it’s something that can really
waste your time unless you have a drastic plan to change the way they see you. And
then there are people who simply fail to correctly assess their own
desirability to certain groups.
Then
there’s the chance that you’re doing everything right but just not getting
results, in which case you need to focus on your approach. That might mean the
way you present yourself, or the way you come across in conversation. Many of
us will unintentionally come across as sleazy, as needy, as clingy, or as
desperate – none of these things are going to help your chances!
How to Make the Change
Once
you’ve identified the problem, it’s time to start making the change. The first
thing to do is to make the commitment to be proactive. That means regularly
approaching people, or signing up to online dating and putting in effort (just
creating a profile is not enough) or to improving your approach and your
swagger.
Then you
need to come up with a plan and think about how to make best use of your resources.
For instance, Facebook can be a surprisingly effective way to meet people and
also to reconnect with old people. Perhaps there is an old flame you could
start messaging? Or maybe you could add someone that you met at a party?
If you’re
shy of approaching the opposite sex, then maybe you should think of a way to
work up to it and to build your confidence.
Sometimes it means not taking the most obvious route but the most important thing is that you identify the weak points in your game and your strategy and then work to fix those.